Sam's Flesh
by kinkylittlered
Summary: Sam is falling into depression at the age of 15, how will Dean pull him away from cutting? possible wincest
1. Chapter 1

Sam had never felt complete, he had never felt a mother's loving touch and he had never felt the warmth that love could ignite in ones soul. Sam had only ever known monsters, hunting and blood. In his mind it was fitting that all of the sorrow that blood had caused would be embodied in the release of blood. Each slice of the razor, each layer of skin giving way for the sorrow to find freedom was Sam's comfort. His razorblade would become his mother's loving touch, and the time spent hiding his sin would become his game.

Sam knew his father would never understand, he knew that to his father life was precious and so easily taken away. To Sam life couldn't be taken away fast enough. Sam knew his only salvation was his brother, the brother who had now discovered girls. At nineteen Dean was tall, strong and tan, what he lacked in brains he made up with bronze. His sole distraction from hunting monsters was hunting females. This left Sam alone more often than not, and at fifteen Sam was just beginning to long for a companion. As a child he had delved into books, and never cared if Dean and his father were off on a hunt. Now in the silence that filled the small motel room Sam knew he needed to find company least the razor win.

Hours passed like days and soon the glare of the razor became too much for him to bear. Slice after slice he felt the cold embrace of metal against flesh, the familiar sting never comparing to the sting within his heart. The world was spinning out of control and soon darkness overcame Sam Winchester.

"Sammy? Sammy wake up, come on man"

Worry filled Dean's voice as he shook his brother, almost afraid to touch him. The scene before him would haunt his nightmares; Sam was covered in blood, his skin pale and cold. Shallow breaths were the only presence of life. For Sam's own protection Dean did not run to get his father, instead he simply wrapped his brother's wrists and crawled in bed next to him.

Sam awoke to Dean's arms around him, holding him close as though he was afraid a monster would steal his brother. Little did Dean know, Sam was the monster. Within him had grown a bitter resentment to the world around him, to his very pulse. The thought of remaining alone forever haunted Sam, and he knew there would be no escape from the pain. His life was meant to be hunting and he felt as though the devil was inside his very body, always pushing him to think of the afterlife he longed to join.

Sam couldn't help but cringe away from Dean's touch; the warmth and the clear love burned his flesh. The thought of accepting any charity his brother might offer was too much. Sam had never asked for help and he would not begin asking now. Sliding away from Dean, Sam felt a calloused hand hold onto his arm.

"Easy there, Sammy. We have a lot to talk about man" Dean had hardly been able to sleep; the only comfort was Sam's chest heaving every few seconds. When Sam shifted Dean was instantly alert.

"Talk about what Dean?"

"The fact that you are hurting yourself" Dean pulled Sam closer to his chest, dreading looking his kid brother in the eye.

"What does it matter to you what I do?"

"Sam, I'm your brother I obviously care about you. Your blood man, I love you"

"And if I wasn't blood? Would you love me then? Get the fuck off me, you don't care now and you didn't care before you knew." Sam attempted to break away from his brother's vice-like grip but quickly discovered his brother only pulled him closer.

"What are you talking about? I have always loved you, hell I practically raised you" Dean couldn't help but feel hurt by his brother's words, after all he had spent his entire childhood making sure his Sammy was okay. Nothing had changed over the years, even now that he was not always around.

"Dean if you loved me you wouldn't leave me all the time. You wouldn't leave me alone. I'm always alone."

"Sammy I'm sorry I've been hunting so much, I'll take less jobs if it helps"

"God your stupid, it isn't the hunts. You leave as soon as you are done with a job, like you can't stand being with me for another instant."

"What am I suppose to do Sam? Stay home all the time? I'm a man, I have needs and I'm not going to waste time trying to fill them on my own in the bathroom"

"I could fill them."

"Sammy, uh dude I'm talking about sex, not company."

"Am I that terrible looking?" Sam was suddenly feeling rejected even though he had never thought about his brother in a sexual way. Well not frequently, although at times he had let his eyes linger on the firm muscles of his brother's back or the way Dean's pants and shirt left just a bit of skin showing in between. Aside from the moments where Sam wondered if he was gay he had never thought about his brother in a sexual way.

"What are you talking about? Sam, I think I am going to have to pretend I did not just hear that" Den felt his pulse quicken and he suddenly began to wonder if sleeping with his brother would provide the comfort Sam so desperately needed. Dean pushed the thought away quickly and replacing it with a chant of "incest incest incest".

Tears welled in Sam's eyes, rejection scorching his heart. Pulling away quickly, Sam managed to maneuver his body out from under his brother's arm. Walking quickly, he was into the bathroom in seconds. Slamming the door he locked it quickly, knowing Dean could kick it open if he really felt the need.

"Sam, you've got to be kidding me. You can't honestly be mad at me for not wanting to sleep with my brother." Dean lay on the bed, his eyes wide as he shook his head in confusion.

"Just fuck off Dean, if you actually cared about me you wouldn't reject me" Sam couldn't help but cock his head to the side after he screamed the words. He was just as confused as Dean, and he had never honestly wanted to have sex with his brother before. Now as he sat on the bathroom floor he began to believe that if his brother really did love him he would want him sexually. The jump was a confusing one, but it was one Sam's mind had made.

There was no going back, after all guilt was the only tool Sam really had. He knew his brother would not let him live down the demand, even if he claimed he was kidding. Sam was going to have to follow through with his claim if he expected any escape from his brother's taunts. If Dean felt his brother was serious than he wouldn't tease him, in fact he would probably just avoid him for the rest of his life.

"Okay Sam, if that is what you want."

**Comment if you want me to continue.**


	2. Chapter 2

*Bit naughty…more so than intended so it now does not just hint at wincest it jumps into a pool of it…only swim if you know how ; ) *

Leaning against the bathroom door Sam let out a deep breath, attempting to calm his nerves. His heart was lodged in his throat and he couldn't help but feel like he would never again be capable of breathing right again. Two feelings raged through him, disgust and lust. Sam was unsure if the disgust was from the thought of innocence or how easily had given into Sam's childish ways. Both disturbed him while simultaneously sending chills down his spine.

"Well Sam, is that what you want?" Dean's thick voice was filled with a sudden stubborn tone, as though he had already made up his mind.

"I um" Sam couldn't help but stutter as he considered the actions that could potentially take place. As it stood Sam was not only a virgin, but he had never really kissed anyone. He was still in the in between and his long limbs just seemed silly on him. Sam was cute in a child-like way, not in the "oh so hot" way that girls his age were looking for. He wasn't attractive in the way that Dean was.

Insecurities surged their way into Sam's mind, slamming his hand down before he could unlock the door. Sam had never felt more inept than he did at the moment; his hands shook with fear and his pulse raced as he considered being _nude _in front of another person.

"Sam, will you at least come out of the bathroom? Your acting like a bitch"

Sam's response flew out of his mouth without a thought, a force of habit, "You're a jerk". Hesitantly standing, Sam pulled the bathroom door open a crack, peeking out shyly with his gleaming hazel eyes.

"Atta boy, now can you come all the way out or do I need to force you?" Dean's threat hung in the air and for once Sam feared that his brother would actually force him into moving. Sure as children Dean had been pushy, but as Sam had begun growing up the physical contact had come to an end. After all, Dean was always sore from hunting, or off sleeping around. He had very little time to wrestle his brother into doing things.

Pulling the door open inch by painfully slow inch, Sam slowly emerged from the bathroom. Slow steps led him to his bed where he pulled his knees up, quickly moving into the fetal position.

"Come on, chill dude." Dean was clearly growing frustrated with his brother's emo actions. "Look either you want to fool around or you don't, I'm not going to force you into something that was you idea."

"Nuh uh, you brought it up Dean."

"Ya well you're the one who wants to, so why don't you get your ass over here and prove you want to?"

Sam couldn't help but take Dean's words as a direct challenge; his legs began moving before he could consider his actions. Sliding onto his brother's bed, Sam looked up from beneath his thick eyelashes.

"Have you ever fooled around?" Dean's voice was thick with curiosity, a half smirk already playing across his lips.

"Not exactly, I mean guys with too long limbs and too few muscles are not generally ladies men" A blush played across his features, his eyes darting down to the hideous blanket beneath him.

"Your cute, I'm sure the ladies will be all over you soon enough. Wait, uh do you want the _ladies _to be all over you at all?"

"Uh I don't know yet? I have no experience so I can't say for sure."

"Sammy, come on man. I'm sure you have an idea of who you want." Dean suppressed a laugh as he considered how pissed his father would be if he realized Sam was gay.

"I think I like boys and girls?" Sam couldn't help but slam his eyes shut, expecting his brother to hit him and claim he had been kidding.

"Makes sense, I uh well a guy gave me head once. It wasn't actually that bad, in fact he really knew what he was doing. It was kind of hot." Dean knew a blush would grace his cheeks, so he began awkwardly fidgeting; searching for any distraction from the current conversation.

"So are you um bi too?" Sam couldn't hide the small thrill it sent through him knowing his brother was in his situation as well.

"I don't know Sam, head is head. I was horny and it got me off" Dean shrugged, attempting to brush the incident off as nothing more than a hookup. In truth he had thought about the man for weeks after, returning to the moment time and time again.

"I could get you off" The words slipped of his tongue before he could really take them back. "I mean uh if you wanted me to, I could"

"Oh ya, how are you going to do that? I thought you didn't have any experience." Dean cringed at the flirt that lingered in his words. He was almost afraid of the events that seemed to be unwinding.

"It's not like I've never gotten myself off, I know I could get you off too" Sam's voice shook slightly as he considered whether or not he was sure he could in fact get his brother going at all, let alone cause a happy ending.

"I'll take that bet then Sam, if you get me off I'll not only return the favor but I wont even tease you about being gay"

Hesitating for a moment until Dean was once again stretched out on the bed. With shaking hands Sam began to fumble with his brother's button, sighing in relief when it was finally undone. Sam inhaled before sliding his brother's zipper down slowly, surprised to find Dean already half hard.

Pushing Dean's jeans down just enough to reveal his already tenting jeans Sam suddenly began to forget the moral sin he was committing; suddenly it was as though this was what he was meant to do. He was meant to please his Dean in every way possible. His hands began to gain confidence, sliding tauntingly slow into Dean's boxers.

The brush of Sam's fingertips against the sensitive skin of his member was enough to force Dean into letting out a deep moan. Sam began teasing Dean, running his fingers just barely against the tip, his nail scraping lightly against the head of Dean's member. Without pausing Sam began pumping his fisted hand around Dean, twisting and pulling in quick motions. In mere moments Dean felt the end coming, he felt the familiar tingle in his balls and the coiling in his stomach unwinding. Thrusting up into Sam's hand he felt the world spin and blur into a single sensation of pleasure. With a soft moan of his brother's name Dean was finishing, pumping white streamers onto Sam's fingers. Breathing heavily Dean's hips fell back to the bed softly, his entire body aching with the force of his orgasm. Oh yes this was much better than sex alone, Sam's fingers were going to haunt Dean's wet dreams. Dean knew that sleeping in the same room might indeed have its perks.

"My turn?" Sam asked with a shy grin, half afraid to ask but too impatient to wait.


End file.
